Fix it and forget it...

Remember the infomercial for the rotisserie that you stick the meat in and leave it alone until it is done several hours later and the slogan was 'Fix it and Forget it'. That is what we did before we left. We stuck the sperm in and forgot about it (well for the most part). It was our Hail Mary pass before staring the IVF journey. We are home now... still on cloud nine from the trip of a lifetime that we will not only never forget but are trying to keep that feeling and memory as close and alive as we possibly can. I am supposed to start my period tomorrow or Tuesday. I peed on a stick this morning for kicks, one more time and this is what I saw

I swung open the bathroom door and stared at La. She said what is it? I was just frozen holding this stick and she popped up and said' It's positive, isn't it'. The line looked a little light and I didn't want to get my hopes up. After church we went and picked up this test and sure enough- WE ARE PREGNANT!

No fertility clinic, no drugs, just us on our way out the door to work on a Monday morning. I still can't believe it!! It doesn't seem real yet. OMG- we are having a baby. Praying this one sticks and thinking about what we will name our Obama baby- Barrack, Michelle, Obama, Sasha, Malia, something with the initials D.C. - maybe David Charles or Dafne Clare. Ooh! I am so excited!! Thank you, God! Thank you, God!

An amazing day!

Yesterday was an amazing day for us. We started out with a church service at S.hiloh Baptist Church. Shiloh was founded amidst the turmoil of the Civil War in 1863 by 21 former slaves. From that beginning, Shiloh has become one of the most regarded religious institutions in Washington. Besides the INCREDIBLE music supported by the joint choirs (107 members) for this special inauguration service , we had the honor of listening to J.on Lewis, Congressmen from Georgia preach. The Honorable J.on Lewis is often called "one of the most courageous persons the Civil Rights Movement ever produced" and to meet him and listen to him tell the stories of he and MLK walking and marching and speaking together brought tears to our eyes and filled our spirits with the enormity of what electing Barrack means to all those who have 'got in the way' for justice and equality for all people. He told us about when he had been beaten by police, left for dead, jailed for walking, talking, refusing to go away.

In 1961, J.on Lewis joined the Freedom Riders and is the last remaining of the group that worked closely with MLK and stood with him during his 'I have a Dream' speech. Hearing him preach, singing with the Shiloh congregation and witnessing the pride and excitement in his and others eyes and voice that morning is something I will never, ever forget. After the church service, which lasted two and a half hours and I never looked at my watch, we headed over to the Lincoln Memorial for the concert. Wow!!! the energy, the people the excitement... I cannot even put it in words. The cabbies who have been here for a few inaugurations keep telling us they have never seen anything like this.. "the people are so happy" and they really are. Everyone is 'hi', 'how are you', 'where are you from', 'oh, I'm sorry'(when they bump into you). It really gves me more hope to be with all these people... that we will get there... to a place where we take care of the least among us and are all equal.

Ok, finishing the day. Of course we could not even get close to the Lincoln Memorial but there are huge screens placed all down the Mall, so you can see it. If you watched the concert last night, the camera's panned from Lincoln to the Wash. Monument, but not beyond that. Well, all those people that you saw in that area was duplicated on the back side of the monument all the way to the Capitol. It was so cool, remember these are all happy people, so even though it is a large crowd, it's all good. After the concert we tooled around the memorials- WWII and Vietnam and then walked over to the White House.

Exhausted from the day, we skipped the new swanky nightclub for the L Word premiere and opted to watch it back where we are staying... in our PJ's. It was a most amazing day!!

Come Fly Away With Me

We are leaving for DC tomorrow. We are getting excited, and I'm a little nervous too. Big crowds....eeehhhh, I'll get through it. We have a lot to see on our 10 day venture. Praying for good weather, well, at least sunshine.
Hoping too, the altitude sucks a fertilized egg to the uterine wall!!!!!! :)

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

We are getting ready to leave next week for DC. We will be gone for 10 days...yeah! However, we're not use to freezing weather and snow. How does one prepare? Hat..ck...gloves...ck..jacket...ck am I missing anything? I really don't even know how cold it will be. So, those of you who live in the North, help a sister out.

In baby news.....we are inseminating before we leave, on our own, and hoping the relaxing trip will work it's magic. If we do not get our +++++++ we have decided to take the plunge and do IVF. What's another $11,000. OHHH, I need a drink!!!!

Familiar tune **Updated**

Tested three days ago 12DPO... BFN. Tested yesterday... BFN.... This morning my period started... CD1.... sad :-(

I am about to call the RE office which is what we are instructed to do on CD1. If you remember this RE is treating us like we just started this process and wants to do 4 'natural' cycles. La and I sat last night as I felt my period looming and counted back. We did our first ICI in May 2006. Nine tries over the course of a year and May 2007 we were pregnant. That pregnancy ended in August and we started trying again Dec 2007. So here we are one year later, that's 12 IUI's in the last year. I think we qualify for something else. These RE 'natural' cycles are no different whatsoever from what we have been doing with the exception of a follicle check on CD12 and having to pay someone I don't know $200 to hold the syringe and push the 'trigger'.

That all being said, I am planning to call and say....We want something else. He has already said he would use FSH injections as our next step. We were trying to think back last night if any of you have used them and we could not remember. If you have, will you share your experience?

We'll see what they say... damn the next steps scare me.

La wanted to post this video, but when I watch it I feel like I can't breathe, so I didn't want her to put it up. These are the times we would like to have individual blogs. This is the link, but big warning to TTC'ers, it may suck your air out too.

**Update**

Called the RE. Spoke to the nurse. She offered me injectables or IVF. Either way the new process would start tomorrow. I need a sign. I need a drink. I need something. Maybe we should skip. We are going to D.C. for the inauguration. Maybe all that altitude is not good for TTC. I don't know. She said she thought we got way more bang for our buck with IVF even though it is $7,000 more than injectables. Oh what to do...

BELIEVE

It's done. IUI # oh who knows... more than 19... I won't dwell on that.

We are in the TWW. La says this is it! I came home last night and she had surprised me by having the nursery painting done. We have been trying out several colors over the last several months and finally found one we like. I'll post pics when it is done. Her new project is a mural in there. It was really sweet! Thank you, baby :-)

La said, 'Hey. did you notice they didn't give us an instruction card for if it doesn't work this time', I said 'yes'. To which she replied 'see I told you, that's because this is it'! I am amazed at her brave courage to leap un-abandoned, arms spread, wind in her face, not afraid to fall- belief. I'm in it tandem... trying to keep my eyes open. I believe.

When we got home our friend had sent this e-mail this morning at 5:36am

Be careful today (driving) !!!! May the spirit of fast moving sperm come upon you and attack your egg today !!!
Love you, T

Very sweet. We love you too!

Surge **Updated**

CD15 positive LH surge late last night and this morning.

Called office, waiting for returned call with IUI time.

**Update**

IUI scheduled for 8:45am tomorrow. Called work to switch my schedule to be off. I just realized tomorrow is my Dad's birthday. Tomorrow would be a great day to conceive!

Background *Updated*

La found this background and thought it was appropriate to the place we are in. Hoping, praying, wishing.....

Unfortunately when she put it up it erased the whole right side of our page, so I'll have to go back in and fix that. I'm not a big fan of the changing background thing all the time, but this one she likes so we'll keep until Christmas.

CD14 today. Had u/s on CD12 w/ follicle size 15. PEOS twice daily- no surge yet.

**Update**

Oops, I killed the background by accident. Sorry, babe!

Happy Birthday

Wishing all your dreams come true. I love you and happy 33!

In A Bad Place

My sweetest Ali is in a bad place. I haven't seen her down and out like this since she miscarried. She hasn't been to work all week....she tried to go today, but came home. Oh, what can I do? This Saturday is her 33rd Birthday....and all she wants is a baby.
God please give her peace and cradle her broken heart. This is just way too hard!

Still... **updated**

13DPO. Boobs still tender and full.

HPT still BFN :-(

WTF

**update**

Still not pregnant. AF here. CD1 starts all over. U/S scheduled for CD12

Sad and frustrated...

Turkey Trottin

We're getting excited about tomorrow. This year we decided to stay in town and celebrate Thanksgiving with friends. We have also decided to do the 5k turkey trot run/walk. This will be our first time, and we need to be ready at 7:30am. Our gracious friends have invited everyone over after thr grueling run for fruit and bagels, something light to hold us over til our big feast at 3pm.

Ali is 9DPO today. I ask her all the time if she is feeling anything, and she always says not really....I think she doesn't like to get her hopes up,and then be let down. This time she did say she had a baby dream and states her boobs are a little sore....I'll update as soon as we know.

We are thankful for our wonderful friends(including blogland) and loving families. May God bless each and everyone of you. Happy Thanksgiving!

24mm Took It For The Team!

We left yesterday morning at 5am for our two hour trek to the RE. We met w/ Dr D this time. He was very personable and funny. We both liked him a lot. He wanted to get an ultrasound on Ali. The follicle on her left(dominant) went from 15mm on Fri to a whopping 24mm on Sun. Dr D said her right follicles don't want to get in the game...nothing on the right side at all. Ali still hadn't surged, so Dr D gave her an HCG trigger and said I need to see you back Mon morning at 7:45. So, we decided to just stay the night. We made a day of shopping and eating. We were so tired from getting up so early Sun., that Ali was fast asleep by 7pm and I shortly followed.

Mon Am appt 7:45- We saw Dr W today. He said our donors count was 23 million motile and that was good. He stated they like to have at least 20 million. Ok, so we're at least 3 million over. I did find something interesting, he put a little bend at the end of the catheter, curved it to one side. I don't know why he did that? I guess I should have asked.

Ali said her ass hurts from the HCG, but other than that.......ALL IS GOOD!

Grow Follies....Grow

**Friday Updated again by Ali**

Ali had an ultrasound yesterday (cd12) One follie is 13mm, and some smaller ones. The tech told her to come back Fri for another scan. I guess we wait and hopefully get our green light on Sat or Sun for our 2hr drive. It feels so weird that I'm not the one doing the insemination this time, kinda sad. I'm excited though, I feel like we're on a track that will get us a baby.
Grow follies...Grow.

*UPDATE* Friday
Scan today showed one dominant follicle at 15mm. Dr. W wants Ali to PEOS 2x a day today and tomorrow. If the OPK is positive tonight (which we don't think it will), then we would call and go in the morning. If positive tomorrow night, then we would go Sunday morning for insem. The nurse said regardless of positive OPK or not they still want to see Ali on Sunday morning. If no positive Sat. night they want to do an ultrasound plus trigger plus insem all at the same time. That doesn't sound right to us. Wouldn't we want to wait 24-36 hours after a trigger to insem? Anybody ever done it this way and gotten pregnant. We're a little confused. But we will be getting up at the butt ass crack of dawn to make our 2 hour drive Sunday morning.
God, hear our prayers.....

Happy Anniversary

It's hard to believe that five years ago today we stood in front of friends, family, and God, to commit ourselves to each other. It was such a beautiful day! I want to express to you, my love today. Tho, we have travelled an arduous journey, you have been a sign of hope, perseverance, dedication, my rock, the light in the darkness when we have both felt despair. You are the torch to lead the way when we feel defeated. You are an amazing woman , friend, lover, and partner for life. I wish for you this day and everyday, peace and joy. I love you with all that I am and all that I have.


Happy anniversary!!!!!!


WILL YOU MARRY ME, AGAIN?

Yes We Can.....And We're BLUE To Prove it!

Wow!!!!!!! We spent our evening with friends at the Democratic party. What a night! The essence of change filled the room, as every color of skin embraced each other. It was history! As one black man said "I don't think it has really set in, I can actually say that someone of my same color, is president!" It was a night of celebration and VICTORY!

Unfortunately Amendment 2 passed here in Florida with 62% of the votes-but while we may not be able to marry(yet) I now have a president who supports civil unions...so for all the uninformed and scared people that think they need to protect their marriage from us, remember, just as today became history as the first African American President, so will the day that I will marry my same sex partner.

And yes we can! Florida is a BLUE state!

It would have been a good story...

It would have been a good story if we had gotten pregnant the month we finally took the plunge to drive 2hrs to the RE after two years of trying... But it's not our story.

CD2

:-(

It's always the case

Ali's version of the RE...

It's always the case that something can be offered to me and it is declined but don't offer it to me and I want it. Sex, food, drugs, sleep...What is that? For months, and thousands of dollars ago, someone (La) has been trying to get me to go to the RE... more drugs... IVF if we have to... whatever. I have been resistant, a purist, patient...blah... blah. So now we finally decide to go over there, it's a very nice office, the staff is ultra friendly, includes LA in everything, even took our picture together, I'm feeling good about our decision... even a little foolish for not going sooner and we sit down with Dr. W and he says... let's do this. You call here on CD1 and we'll set you up for an u/s on CD12 to start monitoring your follies and then you start peos and then we'll do the insem. I'd like to do 3-4 cycles without meds. Are you serious??? I could have come over her 4 months ago for that!!! Ok, doctor, we have done this SEVERAL times, 3-4 more tries w/out meds seems like a long time and alot of money when we could have not been that far off ourselves, doing 2iui's most months. He says, well I'd like to do at least 2 cycles this way. {ok, slight huff inside}. I asked him about meds, explained that I have taken c.l.omid. off and on and never more than two months in a row and a couple rounds of f..em.era. He says.. since I ovulate on my own that Cl.o.mid is not the drug of choice for me and that over time it thins the lining of the uterus etc... {I know all that. My lining is fine. It has always been beefy on ultrasounds. that is not the problem. smile.} OK. we'll call you on CD1. Here is our $250 for your 10minutes. {Please let me be pregnant this time}.

Now for the drive home... each of us asking what the other thought...and I'll be damned if I'm not aggravated because I'm not getting shot up!!! A week ago I would have said oh I hope he doesn't offer me injectables right away. lord, have mercy. This plays a tole on the psyche.

Today is cd11. No signs yet except a little tender breasts last night.

We're off to see the.....

We traveled 2 hours yesterday for our RE appt. The Dr. and office staff were very friendly and warm, especially making us feel like one family unit . It was a good visit and we learned that since Ali ovulates on her own, the clomid that she has been on/off for several months may have actually hurt us instead of helping. It can cause the uterine lining to become too thin, therefore, not able to hold a pregnancy. Who knew? So, now what? The Dr. said we need to wait til Ali gets her cycle(assuming we're not preggo, since we snuck one in by ourselves) and on day 12 go in for an ultrasound to check the egg, and when she gets the smiley face to call the office.. I can't remember when he will do the insem(too much info to retain). I'm sure when we call they will let us know when to head over...only, it's not like their office is down the road....HELLO....we need to drive 2hrs. I will try not to stress about that now.
The plan is to try 2 cycles natural....and then on to injectables if we're not pregnant.
So we wait....and wait...and wait.

Flip a coin

It's been a while since we updated. We have decided to consult a RE. We had a choice between one in town that is new and I don't know anyone who has gotten pregnant there although the NP is a friend of mine or a RE that is 2hrs away and we know lots of people that have gotten pregnant with them. So after some back and forth, pros and cons, conversations with a few people we decided to go with the 2 hr away people. We have an appt there on the 27th.

In the meantime, I am due to ovulate on Sunday or Monday so we decided to go ahead and do one more with just us. Couldn't hurt... we might get lucky... there is the money thing, but I was reminded that people spend much more on things that depreciate. So... I got a smiley face +OPK tonight and we will insem I guess Monday morning. That will be 36hrs. We have done everything from 12-40hrs over the last two years. I have no idea what is best. The month we got pregnant we did a 24 and 36, but we only have one vial. Flip a coin.

Red Curtain Down

I'm at my parents...red curtain dropped about a half hour ago. Thanks for the encouragement and advice for La's post earlier today. The 50 yo thing does freak me out a little... but then there is Cro.sby and Tru.mp as Casey reminded us. I would want the KD to be gay I think... living in .FL. you cannot trust these judges around here. We had a case a few years ago where the judge granted custody to the dad who was a convicted felon over the mom because she was a lesbian. That is no lie. We did have good news in our state last week when a judge down in Key West granted a gay couple the adoption of their child and said our law banning it was unconstitutional. Yeah!

I guess I'll call CD1 tomorrow since it is so late tonight. Sad and going to bed.

Out...Out...Out

Well the red curtain hasn't dropped, but we did get the unfortunate BFN ON 12DPO AND 13 DPO. So now what? I think a trip to the fertility specialist and possibly upping the clomid. It is all so damn frustrating. We do have a possible option of using a known donor. He is 50, but in great shape. He works out daily and eats a healthy diet. Should we be concerned with his age? This is all new to us...are there steps we take to protect ourselves?



All we can do...is put our boots back on.

Monday Thoughts

It's Monday afternoon. I'm having a lazy day. Not doing anything on my list. I did have my egg m.c.muffin this morning and ate pineapple through 5dpo. I can't help but feel silly doing this stuff. I have loved not temping and the couple evenings of wine.

As for symptoms... not really much. I have been a little crampy and tired- yesterday and today. Although today's may be secondary to my laziness.

Looking ahead for two things: a BFP and the vp debate this week.

Overwhelmed

I just go off the phone with the mortgage people for our rental property. Trying to get out money from some of the equity. Can't do it. Debt to income ratio is too high. Why? because we have spent $17,000.00 trying to have a baby. We are out of money. Well, sure we could charge it up more... but I feel like I am drowning in debt and have nothing but a painful memory, a whole in my heart, an ultrasound picture of my baby that died and a closet full of baby clothes with no baby to put them on. This really is our last try for a while. Tick tock goes my clock. I wanted a few children. Not looking so hopeful for that. I'll turn 33 years old this winter. Our plan was to sell our other house to pay back all of this, but the market crashed on us before we made our move. Now it will be a few years before it comes back. I don't have a few years. Why didn't I sell it earlier!

I was looking up the famed RE two hours away from us last night. Thinking I would call them just in case. But now... where would I get that money and the travel costs over there and La gets 8 whole days off a year including her sick time. So I will have to go alone. Which in the scheme of things is not a big deal but since I'm whining I might as well throw it all in. It all feels so hopeless. I can't put all my hope into this TWW. I would be crushed. So I have to prepare myself that this was the last time and who knows when I will be able to feel a baby growing inside me and hold him or her in my arms and love them forever. who knows when?

One in... one to go

Alright, one IUI done. Last night at midnight. We had a positive OPK yesterday morning from urine I had been holding from 6pm the night before, but fell asleep and never voided. So would it have been positive Sat night? who knows? My temps are all wacky. We had the brilliant idea to turn the a/c off Saturday night because it was a cooler night then usual but not as cool as the a/c being on, so my temp was much higher Sunday morning because the house was warmer. We were not even thinking. (You would think when you have $1200.00 worth of sperm in your foyer, you would pay attention this stuff.) So last night when it was a warmer evening, we wanted to turn the a/c back on but were afraid to screw up my temps further, so this morning was even higher. Whatever. We are taking the laid back approach this time with temps. No temping in the TWW. I may even have some wine! ;-) One more IUI to go. Maybe tonight or in the morning. We feel like we jump the gun sometimes because I have mid pain for a couple days, so I can't tell the exact moment of ovulation. I sure wish I could just look in and see my follicles, but I guess if I could do that I would just drop in the sperm and save them the trip.

Working on my to-do list today. Oh and what the hell.... we are going for the pineapple thing this time and La tells me last night I have to eat an egg mc.muffin on DPO 10. Really? Again- whatever. I enjoy an egg mc.muffin so I'll eat it. I'd stick a needle between each of my toes and eat squid yuck! if it helps.

Happy Monday Everyone!