Friday Night's

Ali and I went over to a friends house to tell her our news and visit with her and her son J. He was born Oct 2008. He is 5mo's old and is the cutest, hefty fella. I got to see what it feels like(for a couple hours) to be a parent. I fed him and bathed him and Ali put him to sleep. It was so nice to visit with her and her husband. We only planned on staying for a little bit, but I think C really enjoyed the company and help.

We left C and A's and decided to go by Bo*ders and pick out a baby name book. There are many! We have a short list of names we like. It's hard to name someone else! We also browsed through parenting magazines and have wanted to purchase a co-sleeper. Anyone have one and can give us some advice?

Start Your Engines....Heartbeat 160

So today was our 12 week check-up. We didn't get to see our favorite midwife, she is sick. Ali was bummed, but all went well. C put the Doppler to her belly....and there it was swooosh....swoosh....swoosh... a whopping 160. Hallelujah! I of course cried....and busted out we did it! Ali lost 3 pounds...is still sick, but thinks it's getting better, still looks like Casper the ghost, but had a little pink ..thanks to the pimple coming up by her nose :) Ahhhh those hormones!

Our next appt is April 24th... And we're not finding out the sex.....Ohhhh the excitement of it all!!!!

Prayers For Grandpa

Ali's dad has not been feeling well for a long time and thought he might of had a stroke. The MRI results are back, seems to have a mass in his facial region(sinus cavity or between his ear). They're not quite sure exactly where? CT scan scheduled for next week. A hard part to this will be her travels to S. Florida this weekend to visit. Her family is very accepting of me, especially her dad, mom not so much with our relationship, but figures I've been here for 10 years...not going anywhere. Don't get me wrong she shows me affection, but we just don't talk about us. We don't change things when she comes to visit, and she has peeked into the nursery. She has asked Ali's sister, "Is your sister planning on having a baby"? K just dodged that question. So here's the tricker. Ali has gotten sick just about everyday and is extremely tired, so being at her parents this weekend shouldn't be any different? Her curious george mom will probably suspect "something", but Ali is not in a place to tell her yet. So rewind 10 years when Ali came out to her mom, well, that was a disaster....her mom is a devout Baptist and was crushed(I'm going litely by that phrase) , hence our reason for not telling her quite yet. I just don't want any added stress for her right now...we are finally 11 weeks and counting up to get over the hurdle. So, please pray for Ali's dad and for her that this trip will be uneventful...for now.


***UPDATE****
CT results came back today. Dr said it doesn't look good(what does that mean?) And needs to see ENT ASAP...well to them that's tomorrow(Wed)

What's new on the homefront

Well, we hit 10 weeks. Ali is still sick and very tired and her boobs, well, let's just say their ATOMIC! I told her recently that the pregnancy aliens came and took my wife away. She is so quiet and just doesn't seem to be herself lately. I miss her a lot! Her quietness I guess is attributed to the excess saliva and just feeling so nauseous. I guess this will get better? Our next Drs appt is on the 26th...prayers that we continue to hear a heartbeat and watch a healthy baby grow.

To all those on the TCC and TWW train...we pray and think of you often.

Oh, and she proceeds to tell me about this dream she had the other night....she dreamed the baby was born a girl with boy parts.....what's the signifigance of that dream? Who knows...I just laughed.

Ohhhhhh...9 weeks!

We are 9 weeks today. I finally took a belly shot of Ali's weeee little bump. This is a scarey week for us.. This is the week when our last baby stopped growing. Keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

We just LOVE this BABY!!!!!!!!!!

~La

Good Night...Sleep Tight..Work In Progress

This was our accomplishment this weekend. Ali's sister was kind enough to give us this crib set that her boys rarely slept in. She has been saving it for 12 years now and it's in great condition! Thanks Aunt K! There's more to do, but just wanted to get a head start...it feels good. More pictures to follow one day :)

When Does It End

I'm not complaining , I just feel bad for my honey. I'm a fix-it kinda person. She has thrown up everyday for the past 10 or so days and some more than once. I do say thank you God because this is a good sign...right? I tell her if she would tell people at work, then she could at least wear her sea bands. She's scared tho. I just want her to feel better.

Oh Happy Day

We had our first MW appt today and everything looks great! Right size uterus, rights size cervix, right size baby! AND we got to see our little friend and hear his/her heartbeat at 143bpm. Yeah!! We both cried. It was wonderful! I had my prenatal labs drawn, received a gift bag from the office with a book and some other pregnancy info and my official EDC of October 6, 2009. My MW told me to start taking Vit b-6 for the nausea, so we stopped by and picked some up today.

Oh... I love my baby!! :-) Here is the u/s pic and I will update this evening with a belly pic when La gets home. She is at a purse/jewelry party with some friends- ha! I had no desire to go to that. The jewelry wouldn't be bad, but all those knock off's- not for me. I am a V.er.a B.radle.y girl myself. Not excessively, I get one new one a year for my birthday and that sustains me.

Here's our baby :-)))

Monday's Thoughts

We have finished our 7th week. I still can't believe it sometimes. Our first MW appt is on Thursday. I am getting excited. I want to see our little peanut's heartbeat. We have been talking about when to tell people this time. A few of our closest friends know now but we haven't decided when we want to tell our co-workers and church family and others. Last time we decided we were going to wait until 12weeks and then we miscarried at 11wks. That worked well in the sense that I really prefer to grieve privately, but it was really hard to pretend everything was fine, especially when I was at work. I have a tendency to wear all my feelings on my face, so while several people could see the ache in my face they didn't know why. So this time I have this feeling that telling earlier, say at 8 or 10 weeks, will be ok because this baby will be fine, but I am also afraid to give in to that idea.

On the left is how our baby's hand looked yesterday and on the right, how it will look in two days. That is amazing!

On a very sweet Valentine note...La was soooo sweet Saturday. I had to work and she surprised me and showed up with 20 little cupcakes- from the best cupcake place in town- for me and my co-workers and brought us lunch- in a picnic basket no less- from our favorite little Italian deli. Tuscan chicken sandwiches and orange balls, which are these little rice balls filled with meat and sauce and then the whole ball is lightly breaded and baked. They are soooo good! It was the best valentine's day to have to spend at work. I love you, baby!

My belly symptoms still rotate between nausea, hunger and indigestion- all. the. time. This morning I woke up twice between 4 and 7 and my stomach felt normal and it felt so good. I just wanted to savour it because as soon as I take 20 steps in the morning it all starts again. I am sipping peppermint tea which I was told would help. I was thinking maybe we should start our belly pics this week. :-)

Dare to Dream and Believe

To my Dear Ali,

It's hard to imagine that 3 years ago we began this journey to motherhood. The emotions, the adrenaline, the sadness and tears. We stood together, not always strong, but bound and determined to fill a dream. We never gave up, though we wondered what was the plan. Our emotions as we celebrate this new beginning are scary and joyful. A reminder message" A touch of courage, a grain of hope, a bit of wisdom, a lot of patience. Good things come to those who wait."
I write this a day early, but wanted to wish you a very HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Thank you for having the courage and strength to journey on. May this year be everything you ever dreamed for. It has been for me!
All my love always, La.
We're having a baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling...

Tired, Nauseous, Hungry...Indigestion...Growing Tender Breasts...Pregnant...

:-)

I'll add to that

I need some reassurance. I don't feel a thing except some tender breast and some yawning in the afternoon. I am remembering a few of your blogs that said similar things but I can't remember who to go back and read and feel reassured. A couple people at work as well as my OB said they did not feel a thing and were not sick ever. Now I know it is early... it still can come...I hope to be praying for nausea relief in a couple weeks at least then I will 'feel pregnant'. I keep trying not to think about it because when I do it really freaks me out!



Oh and thanks from me too for all the very sweet posts!

Can Someone Pinch Me

Sorry for the silence. We have been in ahhh over our great news and probably a little nervous too. Ali is taking the bullets, which seem to freak her out, since a common side effect is leakage(sorry TMI) so of course she worries when that's happening it can only mean "aunt flow". She is very, very tired and no morning sickness.I told her I prayed for her to have an uneventful pregnancy. We are 5wks today. Our first appt is Feb. 19th...yeah! Thank you for all your wonderful comments.

Fix it and forget it...

Remember the infomercial for the rotisserie that you stick the meat in and leave it alone until it is done several hours later and the slogan was 'Fix it and Forget it'. That is what we did before we left. We stuck the sperm in and forgot about it (well for the most part). It was our Hail Mary pass before staring the IVF journey. We are home now... still on cloud nine from the trip of a lifetime that we will not only never forget but are trying to keep that feeling and memory as close and alive as we possibly can. I am supposed to start my period tomorrow or Tuesday. I peed on a stick this morning for kicks, one more time and this is what I saw

I swung open the bathroom door and stared at La. She said what is it? I was just frozen holding this stick and she popped up and said' It's positive, isn't it'. The line looked a little light and I didn't want to get my hopes up. After church we went and picked up this test and sure enough- WE ARE PREGNANT!

No fertility clinic, no drugs, just us on our way out the door to work on a Monday morning. I still can't believe it!! It doesn't seem real yet. OMG- we are having a baby. Praying this one sticks and thinking about what we will name our Obama baby- Barrack, Michelle, Obama, Sasha, Malia, something with the initials D.C. - maybe David Charles or Dafne Clare. Ooh! I am so excited!! Thank you, God! Thank you, God!

An amazing day!

Yesterday was an amazing day for us. We started out with a church service at S.hiloh Baptist Church. Shiloh was founded amidst the turmoil of the Civil War in 1863 by 21 former slaves. From that beginning, Shiloh has become one of the most regarded religious institutions in Washington. Besides the INCREDIBLE music supported by the joint choirs (107 members) for this special inauguration service , we had the honor of listening to J.on Lewis, Congressmen from Georgia preach. The Honorable J.on Lewis is often called "one of the most courageous persons the Civil Rights Movement ever produced" and to meet him and listen to him tell the stories of he and MLK walking and marching and speaking together brought tears to our eyes and filled our spirits with the enormity of what electing Barrack means to all those who have 'got in the way' for justice and equality for all people. He told us about when he had been beaten by police, left for dead, jailed for walking, talking, refusing to go away.

In 1961, J.on Lewis joined the Freedom Riders and is the last remaining of the group that worked closely with MLK and stood with him during his 'I have a Dream' speech. Hearing him preach, singing with the Shiloh congregation and witnessing the pride and excitement in his and others eyes and voice that morning is something I will never, ever forget. After the church service, which lasted two and a half hours and I never looked at my watch, we headed over to the Lincoln Memorial for the concert. Wow!!! the energy, the people the excitement... I cannot even put it in words. The cabbies who have been here for a few inaugurations keep telling us they have never seen anything like this.. "the people are so happy" and they really are. Everyone is 'hi', 'how are you', 'where are you from', 'oh, I'm sorry'(when they bump into you). It really gves me more hope to be with all these people... that we will get there... to a place where we take care of the least among us and are all equal.

Ok, finishing the day. Of course we could not even get close to the Lincoln Memorial but there are huge screens placed all down the Mall, so you can see it. If you watched the concert last night, the camera's panned from Lincoln to the Wash. Monument, but not beyond that. Well, all those people that you saw in that area was duplicated on the back side of the monument all the way to the Capitol. It was so cool, remember these are all happy people, so even though it is a large crowd, it's all good. After the concert we tooled around the memorials- WWII and Vietnam and then walked over to the White House.

Exhausted from the day, we skipped the new swanky nightclub for the L Word premiere and opted to watch it back where we are staying... in our PJ's. It was a most amazing day!!

Come Fly Away With Me

We are leaving for DC tomorrow. We are getting excited, and I'm a little nervous too. Big crowds....eeehhhh, I'll get through it. We have a lot to see on our 10 day venture. Praying for good weather, well, at least sunshine.
Hoping too, the altitude sucks a fertilized egg to the uterine wall!!!!!! :)

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

We are getting ready to leave next week for DC. We will be gone for 10 days...yeah! However, we're not use to freezing weather and snow. How does one prepare? Hat..ck...gloves...ck..jacket...ck am I missing anything? I really don't even know how cold it will be. So, those of you who live in the North, help a sister out.

In baby news.....we are inseminating before we leave, on our own, and hoping the relaxing trip will work it's magic. If we do not get our +++++++ we have decided to take the plunge and do IVF. What's another $11,000. OHHH, I need a drink!!!!

Familiar tune **Updated**

Tested three days ago 12DPO... BFN. Tested yesterday... BFN.... This morning my period started... CD1.... sad :-(

I am about to call the RE office which is what we are instructed to do on CD1. If you remember this RE is treating us like we just started this process and wants to do 4 'natural' cycles. La and I sat last night as I felt my period looming and counted back. We did our first ICI in May 2006. Nine tries over the course of a year and May 2007 we were pregnant. That pregnancy ended in August and we started trying again Dec 2007. So here we are one year later, that's 12 IUI's in the last year. I think we qualify for something else. These RE 'natural' cycles are no different whatsoever from what we have been doing with the exception of a follicle check on CD12 and having to pay someone I don't know $200 to hold the syringe and push the 'trigger'.

That all being said, I am planning to call and say....We want something else. He has already said he would use FSH injections as our next step. We were trying to think back last night if any of you have used them and we could not remember. If you have, will you share your experience?

We'll see what they say... damn the next steps scare me.

La wanted to post this video, but when I watch it I feel like I can't breathe, so I didn't want her to put it up. These are the times we would like to have individual blogs. This is the link, but big warning to TTC'ers, it may suck your air out too.

**Update**

Called the RE. Spoke to the nurse. She offered me injectables or IVF. Either way the new process would start tomorrow. I need a sign. I need a drink. I need something. Maybe we should skip. We are going to D.C. for the inauguration. Maybe all that altitude is not good for TTC. I don't know. She said she thought we got way more bang for our buck with IVF even though it is $7,000 more than injectables. Oh what to do...

BELIEVE

It's done. IUI # oh who knows... more than 19... I won't dwell on that.

We are in the TWW. La says this is it! I came home last night and she had surprised me by having the nursery painting done. We have been trying out several colors over the last several months and finally found one we like. I'll post pics when it is done. Her new project is a mural in there. It was really sweet! Thank you, baby :-)

La said, 'Hey. did you notice they didn't give us an instruction card for if it doesn't work this time', I said 'yes'. To which she replied 'see I told you, that's because this is it'! I am amazed at her brave courage to leap un-abandoned, arms spread, wind in her face, not afraid to fall- belief. I'm in it tandem... trying to keep my eyes open. I believe.

When we got home our friend had sent this e-mail this morning at 5:36am

Be careful today (driving) !!!! May the spirit of fast moving sperm come upon you and attack your egg today !!!
Love you, T

Very sweet. We love you too!

Surge **Updated**

CD15 positive LH surge late last night and this morning.

Called office, waiting for returned call with IUI time.

**Update**

IUI scheduled for 8:45am tomorrow. Called work to switch my schedule to be off. I just realized tomorrow is my Dad's birthday. Tomorrow would be a great day to conceive!

Background *Updated*

La found this background and thought it was appropriate to the place we are in. Hoping, praying, wishing.....

Unfortunately when she put it up it erased the whole right side of our page, so I'll have to go back in and fix that. I'm not a big fan of the changing background thing all the time, but this one she likes so we'll keep until Christmas.

CD14 today. Had u/s on CD12 w/ follicle size 15. PEOS twice daily- no surge yet.

**Update**

Oops, I killed the background by accident. Sorry, babe!

Happy Birthday

Wishing all your dreams come true. I love you and happy 33!

In A Bad Place

My sweetest Ali is in a bad place. I haven't seen her down and out like this since she miscarried. She hasn't been to work all week....she tried to go today, but came home. Oh, what can I do? This Saturday is her 33rd Birthday....and all she wants is a baby.
God please give her peace and cradle her broken heart. This is just way too hard!

Still... **updated**

13DPO. Boobs still tender and full.

HPT still BFN :-(

WTF

**update**

Still not pregnant. AF here. CD1 starts all over. U/S scheduled for CD12

Sad and frustrated...

Turkey Trottin

We're getting excited about tomorrow. This year we decided to stay in town and celebrate Thanksgiving with friends. We have also decided to do the 5k turkey trot run/walk. This will be our first time, and we need to be ready at 7:30am. Our gracious friends have invited everyone over after thr grueling run for fruit and bagels, something light to hold us over til our big feast at 3pm.

Ali is 9DPO today. I ask her all the time if she is feeling anything, and she always says not really....I think she doesn't like to get her hopes up,and then be let down. This time she did say she had a baby dream and states her boobs are a little sore....I'll update as soon as we know.

We are thankful for our wonderful friends(including blogland) and loving families. May God bless each and everyone of you. Happy Thanksgiving!