Nothing to report

Well, it's 6DPO (edited, thanks to Merr, keeping track of my cycle days :-)). Nothing to report in the TWW...yet. This is my year to work the 4th, so I will be spending my weekend at the hospital. La is off as she is for every holiday. That is by far the worst part of nursing. Having to leave your family on the holidays to go to work. And we don't even get paid well for doing it.. at least not here at the hospital I work I at. It would feel a little better if I felt adequately compensated for my trouble. I need to move to CA or really anywhere there is a nurses union would be better. Anywhere but here, where our two hospitals work in co-operation to keep the wages down. Uugh. It's an up hill battle. We need some heavy lobbyers in this state. Ok enough of that. I could tirade for days.

Wishing you lots of fun with family and friends and Dear God, please end this war soon!

TWW

We are officially in the TWW. My seat belt is fastened, I'm hanging on for the ride...

Hanging out

We are here. Hanging out in the tww. Ran into a midwife friend that informed us since we used hcg this cycle we will need to wait until 14 days after to test. She said the hcg stays in my system and could give me a false positive. I must admit there is some part of me that is so desperate to see those two pink lines again that I am tempted to test early even if it is false. This has been the longest tww since our miscarriage. I am not sure why.

Today was a rough day at work. I had a 13wk miscarriage that needed a d&c. Brings back memories. Today was the first time I ever told a patient that I had lost a baby too. It just came out. She was asking me questions about the procedure, if it was going to hurt, how long she would bleed, when she could have sex again. (she informed me she planned to be pregnant at her 6 week check up). She seemed to be relieved in some way that I knew what she was going through and for me it was freeing to finally tell someone I had been a mother too. Even if just for a short time. I get asked all the time by patients if I have children. I always so no. Their next question is usually -do you want them? To which I reply yes and then the conversation goes on from there about how long have you been married, what are you waiting for, etc... Sometimes I just want to scream I HAVE BEEN TRYING FOR ALMOST TWO YEARS, AND EVEN SUCCEEDED ONCE BUT MY BABY DIED...YES I WANT CHILDREN!

But that would be a little off putting to most patients and they are really not there to hear about me so I smile and try to get off the subject as quickly as possible. In the last week two of my co-workers announced they are pregnant. 4wks. With one it is her first baby. Now I would not think to announce that that early . Then I had this crazy thought- do the people that announce early get to keep their babies. But I know the answer to that is no. There is no rhyme or reason to this stuff. No Deity holding us on strings like puppets. It would not make sense that God has intention for this stuff. Why would I be laboring a 13 year old who got pregnant when she was 12yo and women in their thirties, in a loving supportive relationship, either can't get pregnant or can't stay pregnant. No sense. I am convinced God is here to walk with us during such times but does not intend us sorrow.

In other news, my mother is still here visiting from way back in October. I think she may be leaving this weekend, so I am going to spend tomorrow with her. Oh and a friend came over a few weeks ago and put up shelving in the closets in our office/guest room and the will be nursery. I love it! AND she hung up all the baby clothes we have picked up on clearance or were given. I love that closet. I like to just go stand in it. It gives me hope! :-) Many many thanks, S.

Not looking good

Still negative. 13dpo. I'm bitchy, irritable, have a million

things on an imaginary to do list running through my head all day, crampy, my back hurts, I feel like I could come out of my skin.

Now my back could hurt because I rearranged the furniture

for two hours today... only to have La come home and say she didn't like it that way.

She had a good reason. We have this ongoing debate in our house about the need for television. I do enjoy a couple shows at night, but have no problem watching them on our little 19" tv. La on the other hand reminds me every chance she gets that we NEED a larger tv. Poor thing has to pull up a chair to the tv armoire and sit 2 feet away from it to see. It is true, our living room is quite large and that makes the tv seems about 12" so when she came home and the couch was on the opposite wall from the tv, she was definitely not feeling that...so... we moved the furniture again almost back to it's original place. I've posted a picture because La likes as many people as possible to feel her pain about this tv situation. See that little red swivel chair with the bags in it to the right of the tv- she pulls that chair around to watch the tv.

All this moving was to put the Christmas tree in a new place this year. We bought what was labeled a 7-8' tree, but I swear it is at least 10' if not more. It is humongous. We had to pull it out and move it to a different spot because the topper was bent at the ceiling. I'll post a picture later.

Back to the not looking good part. My guess is we will have another go at the tww next month but as we like to say it ain't over till it's over. I'll update as soon as I know for sure.

Waiting

Thanks KJ for the reminder to update...
I do feel an occasional "twitch"/cramp. Hmm... wonder what that means. I keep trying to remember what I felt last time. And I can't. It seems like I didn't feel much. I had this random feeling like we were pregnant, don't know why. We counted today that Thanksgiving day will be 9DPO so we will start PEOS then and see. We also couldn't remember what day we got our first positive last time. I wonder if I blogged about it. Good lord. I need some ginkgo biloba!! pitiful.